Don't Be This Coach!

First, I think it best not to identify the member who sparked this post.  However, from the many years I’ve traveled the rinks and talked to hockey parents, the following comment could have come from a lot of hockey moms or dads.
Secondly, except for the rare weak moments anyone can have (including This Old Coach), I doubt much of this pertains to current members.  The fact that you’re here tells me you care too much, and that you’re likely too bright to let yourself slip in the way at least one other coach has.
All that said, here’s an excerpt from a comment I received earlier today:

“The other night after a game, the coach of a Pee Wee level team was belittling and badgering his kids so badly that they came off the ice crying.  They had a practice later the same night, and that coach told his players not to bring sticks.  A lot of the kids now want to quit the game all together.  So, I want to know why this guy is a coach?  Half the time he does not show up because of his other kids who are skating elsewhere, or because he has to work.  What a jerk!  So how can anyone blame the kids if they make mistakes in games when they don’t really have a coach?”

Phew, do you feel what that parent is feeling?  And, do you feel for those young kids?  (Actually, I kinda burned as I read it, as many of you likely did.)
Well, here are some of my impressions when it comes to the coach in question…

• The answer to why that guy is coaching the team?  It’s because he wants to have control over it.  He obviously knew ahead of time that he was going to have conflicts, and that he’d have to miss a number of practices and games.  But, to not grab the reins of that team would mean he wouldn’t have the say when it comes to line-ups, ice-time, etc. (more specifically, probably, the fear of not controlling where and for how long his own youngster would play).
• About the coach telling his players to leave their sticks at home…  My immediate guess is that he’d heard that somewhere else — like at a high school, junior or college practice.  Yes, sometimes the guys and gals who coach at those levels are pretty harsh, or they pretend to be.  And, sometimes — if the ploy isn’t over-used, older players will respond to a shock treatment.  But, as you’ll notice me saying numerous times within CoachChic.com, an adult must recognize where he or she is.  Or, in this case, I think we’d all agree that 11- and 12-year olds or not ready for belittling, badgering or having to leave their sticks at home!
• Furthermore, let’s consider the difference between bringing the sticks or leaving them behind.  For, I’m going to suggest that we could get a whole lot more accomplished with a group of Pee Wees by organizing and then running an effective, teaching-oriented practice.  (Darn, it would absolutely kill me to have to waste an hour of practice-time in that way!)
• Of course, organizing a good practice would take some time and effort on the part of the head coach.  I have no way of knowing whether the coach in question does that or not.  However, the way he reacted recently suggests that he doesn’t.  To know why I think that, please read on…
• My dad, an outstanding baseball coach, used to say that, “The guys who have to berate their players usually do so because they’re at a loss for what to really say or do.”  (God bless my late dad, my best friend.)  What he meant, of course, is that a coach who knows how to teach spends more time providing concrete directions, and a whole lot less time criticizing.  That said, there’s seldom an excuse for blaming players for mistakes; the kids’ problems most likely stem from a lack of direction, and then from a lack of repetition (doing the right things, over and over again) in practice.

Again, phew…  And again, I doubt anyone who has the dedication to be here needs to be lectured on any of the above.  Still, it’s not a bad idea for us to at least think about these things on our way to being even more effective coaches.  So, with that in mind, let me share a few more personal thoughts and  experiences…
A great many years ago I left my game-bench with every intention of reaming my players.  God must have jumped in though, because I was intercepted by the scorekeeper for a time.  Yes, thank God and the scorekeeper, because my emotions changed quite drastically in the 10-minutes that elapsed, and my changed attitude saved me from doing something very, very stupid.

I’ve been forced to hone my post-game talks all the more in recent years.  You see, our games are almost always followed by a next day practice.  So, I purposely do what God and that long ago scorekeeper did for me, stalling for about 10-minutes before entering a post-game lockeroom.  And during my brief time outside, I gather my thoughts, and then I try to phrase them in a way that encourages my kids to come to practice.  Think along with me, if you will, in that there’s no urgency in my/our addressing sensitive issues at that time; even a well deserved blasting could wait a day or so.

As for dads coaching teams…  Hmmm…  The times I’ve coach my own, I felt the best thing I could do for the young guy would be to teach him sound hockey principles and great skills.  My artificially making him a star on the team wouldn’t last a day beyond his playing for me.  What would last, would be the skills and smarts he gained from our practices.  So, that in mind, I now ask my assistant coaches (who usually have a son on our team) to help me run the most efficient practices possible.  Again, what their kids gain there is the only only thing they’ll be able carry to future teams.  (Stats don’t impress future coaches, nor do championship trophies; what does usually impress are great skills and those hockey smarts.)

Then, I’d like to share with you a little deal I make with my players (and their parents) prior to a season…  I tell them that, “I’ll never criticize you, so long as you do what’s asked of you.”  Of course, that implies things like attending practices regularly, always trying no matter how hard some drills might be, studying extra materials if so asked, behaving properly, etc.  So, in essence, if you do things my way and they don’t work out, the results are on my head.

Finally, although I don’t want to turn this area into a “he did this” and “she did that”, I do think it appropriate that fellow coaches share with us the ways they have positively solved some of the problems noted here.

Find more information at Coach Chic!