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The purpose of youth sports is to offer children of all skill
levels the opportunity to compete and learn how to handle game time
situations. This can be difficult to accomplish if your child’s coach
has a play to win philosophy. Motivational speaker and youth sports
expert Bob Bigelow offers the following advice to deal with this type of
situation.
Tracy asks: My kid is a good hockey player but not
the best on the team. We are on a second year Peewee team and have been
with the same coach for two years. Our coach is one who plays to win
to the detriment of the players who are not on the A list. The coach
will bench our son and the other kids who are not at the top of the list
in order to “win, win, win.” He will even bench the kids when we are
losing in hopes of turning the game around. My son is extremely smart
and knows exactly what is going on. We want him to have respect for his
coach and have never said anything negative about his coaching style
but as a parent, it is very hard to defend something you adamantly
disagree with. We have tried talking to his coach but that did not
change things. He is focused on the scoreboard ~ not the kids. What do
you suggest we do to handle this situation in an adult manner, while
still getting the point across that at this point a child’s development
the game should not be all about winning, but more about skill
development?
Answer: Tracy thank you for your question. I run
into this situation often and work tirelessly to address the problem in
my talks with youth sporting associations across the country. Here is
my best advice:
First, it is important to make sure you understand the policy of the
program in which your son is playing. Sometimes you will find the
playing time policy posted on the league’s website or in other official
documentation. If you are certain that equal playing time is in fact a
policy with the program your son is playing in, I suggest you move on to
the advice in the next paragraph. However, if you cannot find written
documentation that speaks to equal playing time, you will probably need
to stick out the rest of your season and reevaluate the appropriate
program for your child in the summer or fall.
Assuming equal playing time is a league policy, I would recommend the
following. Since coaches are so busy, when you have an opportunity to
meet with them face to face (before or after practice or at games), I
believe sending a well-crafted, and non-argumentative email or letter to
the coach. Voice your concerns over what you have witnessed and ask
the coach if there is a good time to talk about the situation. One
thing to make sure you ask (tactfully) in the email is how your player
is going to develop the necessary skills if they are not given the
opportunity to play during the games.
It is also important to give the coach the benefit of the doubt.
Sometimes coaches are unaware of the lack of playing time given to one
player. They have a whole team to substitute in and out of the game,
while your focus is solely on your son. However if it has in fact been
going on for the last two years, it is important to address the
situation as stated above
.
Additionally, you might have some contacts in the management of the
league who can help you address your concerns and discuss them with the
coach on your behalf.
Thank you for your question Julie and best of luck!
Editor’s Note: Thank you to Bob Bigelow for this helpful advice.
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