If you have at least half a brain in your head, you're probably not surprised by the news out of England that a teenage girl who has lived for most of her life on McDonald's chicken nuggets and freedom fries ended up in the hospital with breathing problems and anaemia. Although I have a feeling the whole thing was a little trumped up and that Stacey Irvine is as much a victim of our fame-seeking culture as she is of a lack of iron. All the photos of the spunky 17-year-old in the Daily Mail article look awfully healthy for someone who's on death's door. Therefore, I'm guessing she made the publicity rounds for a while as "That McNuggets Girl"before her insides finally rotted out from under her. I highly doubt her contention that she's never tasted fresh produce.
That said, if she wants to be remember dumbass so stupid that she can't even feed herself, I'm happy to oblige. And while I'm at it, I might as well lambast her mother who, in my opinion, ought to be in jail.
Stacey’s mother, Evonne, is exasperated by her daughter’s refusal to eat a healthy and varied diet and wants her to see a specialist.
‘She’s been told in no uncertain terms that she will die if she carries on like this,’ the 39-year-old explained.
‘But Stacey says she can’t eat anything else. It breaks my heart to see her eating those damned nuggets.Oh boohoo, woman. If the kid has seriously eaten nothing but processed, breaded fowl since the age of 2, that means you've been feeding her nothing but processed, breaded fowl since the age of 2. I know stubborn kids are hard to feed sometimes, but here's a newsflash: the desire to survive tends to trump the desire for Happy Meals. If you don't feed them a bunch of crap, sooner or later they'll get hungry and eat the healthy stuff you give them. They're not going to starve. They're not going to start breading and frying their own toes for sustenance. They're not going to resort to selling crack to the other second graders to support their junk food habit.
I'm not saying that you need to be a food fascist, but helping your kids choose healthy foods from the moment their born is going to impact the rest of their lives. I have an extremely strong-willed daughter and feeding her can be a challenge, but at the same time, there are a few rules that just seem so obvious to me.
1. Teach by example. They're watching you. Always. Little kids may not know the word "hypocrisy,' but they're certainly savvy with the concept when they see you plowing through a chocolicious protein bar while they're stuck with celery sticks.
2. Eliminate access to problem food. I'm not saying that kids need to eat a 100% clean diet. That's not realistic - not to mention it's kind of dickish - but if there's one food that's overshadowing all others and that's all they'll eat, limit it to once a week or so. In my opinion, you don't want to eliminate it completely because then you set yourself up for a severe reaction once they're old enough to get the stuff on their own. It's the whole Alex P. Keaton syndrome. If you don't know what I'm talking about, go watch yourself some TV Land, stat!
3. Allow access to healthy food. As kids gain independence, the desire to care for themselves is strong. As a parent, it's your job to abuse and exploit that. If they have access to junk food, that's what they'll go for. If they have access to fresh fruit instead, the need to prove to themselves that they can get a snack without Mom or Dad's help will trump their desire for refined carbs and sodium. Suddenly, Junior is chompin' on a handful of grapes.
While I am by no means a model parent (although I seem to be doing slightly better than Evonne), I did have a recent food victory with my daughter using all three of the tips above. My kid loves soda pop. Some bastard at a birthday party gave her a hit at some point and it quickly became an obsession. For the most part, I don't drink soda (my recovering Diet Coke addiction is a topic for another post). I think it's as close to pure evil as liquid can be. That said, I firmly feel fatherly fascism is a figuring factor for the Freshman Fifteen...
(Let's just pause a moment to admire that awesome alliteration. I firmly feel fatherly fascism is a figuring factor for the Freshman Fifteen. I amaze myself sometimes.)
Anyway, I don't want to create some sort of mystique around pop, so once a week or so, I let her have a glass when we're eating out. However, I never drink it. Usually, I order water, sometimes iced tea or beer. Meanwhile, because my kitchen sink is too high for her to reach, I bought a Brita water filter container with a spout and put it on a lower shelf of the fridge, along with several cups. She took to it like a duck to water - or a kid to water, I suppose - and drinks several glasses daily. Meanwhile, she's started to really pick up on my soda abstinence at restaurants. When she inquires, I'm pretty blunt when I tell her, "I think soda pop is poison but I wanted you to reach that decision by yourself." I can almost see the wheels turning in her head. My fiendish plan seems to be working...
Granted, not all parents are as manipulative as I am - nor do they have the same gift for stringing together matching first consonants - but seriously, Evonne, you need to spend a little less time talking to the tabloids and a little more time being a parent.
illustration: http://blogdeepcreek.com
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