Bad Coaching Role Models and the Parents Who Enable Them

 Article is from MIhockeykid.

When you think about it, a hockey coach is an incredibly important part of our child's early stages of life. Think about the length of the season and the amount of practices and games each of our kids goes to and in some cases, based on a parent's work schedule, they may get more time with the hockey coach then they do with their some parents. We are increasingly concerned about teachers, youth leaders, etc. and the impression they leave on our kids. But do we have the same concern about hockey coaches? Sometimes, it's amazing the tolerance we have. Especially when, as parents, we're evaluating them on the wrong factors.

If you talk to many parents the criticism of coaches usually begins and ends with two things:
 1) ice time and 2) win-loss records. These should be the least of our concerns, but it's these factors that tend to dominate our discussion when evaluating (or criticizing) our child's coach.

I found an interesting story published recently on the Let's Play Hockey website from a Minnesota USA Hockey official about what parents should really be concerned about from an ADM viewpoint. But there's more to this than a discussion of short and long benches and win-loss records. Some of these coaches are just, plan and simple, bad role models. So why do we as parents put up with it? In many cases it's because our kids' teams are winning. Sometimes it's just because it's all we know. I got a note earlier this week from our "Referee X" that struck home with me. His comments are below.

We had to toss a coach who chose to act in an inappropriate manner during a game.  The way this coach decided to handle his objections with some calls was to yell, argue, and berate my partner and myself.  When his comments turned to name calling, I was finished with him.  I gave him a bench minor, warned him of his behavior and minutes later, he just could not control himself and my partner gave him the boot.  This guy was so bad that it bordered taking further actions to have him suspended.

I just can’t believe that parents think that this type of behavior in front of their child is acceptable.  What we say and how we act as coaches towards other coaches and referees is what the kids see.  As a coach and a role model for these hockey players, there must be a level of restraint.  There has never been any coach that has ever made a game situation better by arguing and yelling, EVER!

The damage is inflicted on the team.  They will be penalized with a bench minor initially.  The focus is lost on position, playmaking, and strategy.  With the coach ranting and yelling, the players get caught in the middle. 

This, unfortunately is just ONE example. I've heard coaches use language that's not appropriate in any venue, never mind in front of a young child, but it goes on regardless and we put up with it. I've seen coaches berate kids on the bench and get drunk on road trips to the point it scared his young team to death. So what's our recourse? We move the kids to another team. But does the problem really get dealt with? After all, this coach will no doubt inflict himself on another team down the road - especially if he shows the ability to "win."  I have a good friend who coached a lower level inner city team in Detroit for years and hardly ever won a game - Mostly because his kids were still learing the sport and he didn't have the "suburban pool" of player talent to lean on. But you know what? I'd let my son or daughter play for him any time because I know he's a great role model. Unfortunately for some parents, it's the win-loss record that's the detemining factor if choosing a coach. 


So why do we put up with all this? Is it really about ice time and wins? There's horror stories a-plenty out there. Maybe it's time for parents to take a stand - even if it affects our child's ice time.  I'd love to hear from those of you who have actively taken a proactive approach to confront a coach who might have been good from a strategic/hockey standpoint but provided a pretty lousy example for his kids from a life standpoint.  It's more about getting "perspective" from a parental standpoint and making sure those problem coaches (we all know a few) don't continue to get gigs "leading young minds."  And also - how do YOU judge a good coach? Sound off.